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Thursday, August 21, 2014

How One Man's Death By Orange Could Lead To Absurdity

There is the very real and very tragic news of the death of a man in South Africa by pelting with oranges.

In a world both prone to violence and now revealed to be increasingly narcissistic (the hey-look-at-me syndrome), one has to be on the watch for exaggerated responses.  The actual death is a tragedy. But the follow-up could be absurd. Might we see the following acts of political correctness?

10. Holder Justice Department announces anyone possessing an orange toy gun may be charged with two felonies: one for weapons possession, the second for a hate crime.

9. Syracuse University announces its collegiate sports clubs will no longer be called the "Orangemen."

8. Arts departments across the nation are instructed to never, ever let red and yellow be next to each other. The combination could be deadly.

7. Tropicana has suspended sales of orange juice while they consider how to rebrand their tangerine-citrusy mix of high fructose corn syrup and water.

6. New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is cutting all state funding to the towns of Orange, East Orange, South Orange and West Orange NJ until they switch their town names. North Orange cannot be found and is considered a fugitive from justice.

5. Public works departments around America are furiously rushing to buy day-glo green and other fluorescent colors to cover over all objects colored with the hue previously known as "orange."

4. Prisons around America now hire Joe Arpaio as a fashion consultant, announce prisoners will now be fitted in pink prison jumpsuits to reduce violence among inmates.

3. Showtime cancels "Orange Is The New Black" after community groups threaten protest.

2. Seton Hall University announces it will move its campus from South Orange, NJ to protect its students and encourage their continued growth. The university will relocate...to Three Mile Island.  We look forward to students growing...new fingers, toes and feet...during the fall semester.

And the number 1 protest of Orange is:

1. Joan Rivers wears orange sundress to Late Show With David Letterman; entire audience walks out in protest.

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