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Wednesday, May 26, 2010

A Spoof: BP's Plan ZZZ To Stop The Gulf Oil Leak

More than five weeks after the Gulf offshore drilling explosion in which eleven people died, BP has yet to shut off the leak.

BP has proposed numerous solutions, all of which have failed miserably thus far.   Hence, this spoof.

Coming in 2012:  Plan ZZZ...

After two years of nonstop leakage, during which time the formerly fertile Gulf of Mexico has taken on the consistency of the La Brea tar pits and Florida has been overrun with hurricanes feasting on western Caribbean waters, intrepid oil company BP comes up with their most daring solution to date.   Calling it Plan ZZZ, they promise this will be the ironclad solution to the disaster.

Plan ZZZ involves constructing a huge tractor beam to pull several asteroids from the Kuiper Belt and send them crashing into the Gulf and onto the leak, thus plugging it.   Scientists warn, however, that the plan has severe collateral consequences including the dispersion of so much airborne debris as to threaten to plunge the Earth into years of darkness.   BP admits that there's a risk that an asteroid could collide with the Earth, but maintains that collateral damage is part of environmental remediation...



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